Jan 30, 2010
The past few days have been a blur and completely overwhelming. I do now when it gets that way, if you take the time to fall to your knees and say a prayer, great things come your way to lift up your broken spirit.
Many times I have felt things weren't working in my favor, but now I see that it's satan working his way into my faith. I feel there are times satan works even harder when he feels my spirit is weak. Never before have I completely relented to God and his power. I was always the doubter. I doubted his power, doubted his forgiveness, doubted his love, and even doubted his existence.
HE is real and so is satan. ( Upper and lower case on purpose ). I don't know where my life will lead me or what effect I will have on this world but there is a reason for it all. Nothing is by chance. That’s what I've learned and what I hope to show by my living. I certainly still make mistakes. I'm an open book. Sometimes, according to my other two children, a little too open. I have a passion for a true meaning for living which makes me overreact at times. I am constantly teaching myself to curtail my thoughts and words. I do have to say though, when the spirit calls, I will speak.
Life is so short. Let's live! How about starting right now? If you have a dream, go for it. If you need to ask someone for forgiveness, do it. If you love someone, tell them. If you feel hurt, say it. If you love the Lord, then shout it. If you doubt it, ask for clarity.
It will happen.
Have faith.
Lona
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Jan 27, 2010 Happy Birthday, Daniel
Jan 27, 2010
Daniel,
Twenty-three years ago from yesterday I was carrying around a two week overdue baby wondering, is this the day? You were actually due on the day of your older brother’s birthday which was the 12th. Since I didn’t go into labor that day the doctor decided to try to induce labor. Twice it happened and both times were on a Monday. Your father and I would travel 30 minutes to the hospital, early in the morning with me not able to eat or drink past midnight; I would sit in a hospital bed with a Pit drip in my arm, watch TV and hope the contractions would begin. All day with no food! It’s amazing how many food commercials are on TV throughout a day. I was so hungry! Just little chips of ice were all I could have.
At the end of the first Monday around 5 pm the doctor came in and made the decision to send me home, wait another week and hope I would go into labor naturally. Of course, it never happened! We all joked about it saying, “This baby doesn’t want to come out and face his older brother”. I really couldn’t blame you. You were all warm and cozy.
Finally with the 2nd induction the following week toward the late afternoon the contractions began. They went along for several hours and when it came to the time of your birth you had been there so long your little head didn’t want to mold.
This meant a cesarean! I was afraid but knew it had to happen. I worried about your father. He was there for Tyler’s birth but could he handle a cesarean? The doctor assured him he could stay at my head with a drape to block his view. This meant I couldn’t see either. Being the nurse I was I would ask questions. My questions would range from “what are you doing now” or “is the incision being made”. I watched your father’s face go white a couple of times. I found myself trying to comfort him and I was the one on the table being cut open. Anyway, that was the way it was.
When your little head appeared, you began to cry. The doctor said to your dad, “look, he’s being born!” Your father peeked over the drape and I will never forget his words as they were funny to me at the time. He said “Oh no, it’s UGLY!” Now you have to understand your dad. He didn’t really mean to call you IT or say you were ugly. He just had never seen anything like this and he didn’t realize, with a caesarean, the baby is blue and covered with a film (sorry to get so detailed). I then jerked the screen down and watched a beautiful baby boy enter this world. It was now January 27, 1987 at 2 AM. You were named Daniel Lowell Parten.
We took you home and you were held by your proud two year old brother, Tyler. I remember Tyler counting your fingers and toes. I remember Tyler wanting to see you and dumping you out of your carrier onto the floor. You were 6 weeks old at that time. I remember Tyler pulling you around by your sleeper to pretend play. I remember holding you on my chest in the rocker and thinking to myself as I took in your sweet baby smell and touched your skin that I wanted to remember that moment for the rest of my days. Now when I close my eyes and I can still recall everything about that moment as if I’m still there.
You continued to grow. You were always getting hurt physically one way or another though. Always busy! Sometimes Tyler would be at fault and sometimes it would be by your own actions.
At an early age you were always drawn to a ball of any kind and you would throw them around. I do recall one time when you were very little we were outside and I was talking to your father. I could hear you saying in the background, “Strike one, strike two, strike three.” When I inquired as to what you were doing I found to my horror that you had a few frogs and a 2x4 board and was playing baseball with the frogs used as the balls. Of course I put a stop to it, but that was you. You always found a way to entertain yourself with sports. You continued to grow into an athlete who played and loved all sports.
You endured a lot from your older brother. You admired Tyler and usually backed down to Tyler’s demands. There came a defining moment though in your teens when you decided enough was enough. Tyler usually drove all three of you to school since he was older. Do you remember Tyler consistently making you and Anna Laura late, but since he was a senior it didn’t matter to him? It did matter though to you and your sister. You guys didn’t want any more marks against you for being tardy because of Tyler. So how did I handle this one? Remember I told you if Tyler wasn’t in the vehicle when it was time to leave then go on without him. Next thing I knew Anna Laura came in screaming and crying. I thought someone had been run over! I ran outside and found the two of you in a fight. Come to find out, Tyler came out to the truck and you were in the driver’s seat since he was running late. Tyler told you to move over and you refused. You guys went back and forth arguing for a bit. Tyler then got angry and slammed his books in your face and turned around to pick up his things that had spilled on the ground. Well, as I said, you decided enough was enough. You got out and with Tyler bent over, you body slammed his head into the side of my sister’s brand new car. Tyler got up and tried to walk away but you were long gone in the head by then. You attacked Tyler full force! By then I’m out there and Tyler yells, “You better get a handle on your son!” You were still trying to get to Tyler through me. As I said, that was a defining moment in your life. We laugh about it today but you two still had to come up with $700 to fix Christi’s car.
Both you and Tyler grew up and became the best of friends. Now you are in another defining moment in your life and I am so proud of the man you have become! I’m sorry you have lost your best friend, but he is still with you in your heart. You are a true man; loyal, caring, strong, wise, and a man of integrity who loves the Lord.
I have truly been blessed to have you in my life.
Happy 23rd birthday son!
I love you.
Mom
Daniel,
Twenty-three years ago from yesterday I was carrying around a two week overdue baby wondering, is this the day? You were actually due on the day of your older brother’s birthday which was the 12th. Since I didn’t go into labor that day the doctor decided to try to induce labor. Twice it happened and both times were on a Monday. Your father and I would travel 30 minutes to the hospital, early in the morning with me not able to eat or drink past midnight; I would sit in a hospital bed with a Pit drip in my arm, watch TV and hope the contractions would begin. All day with no food! It’s amazing how many food commercials are on TV throughout a day. I was so hungry! Just little chips of ice were all I could have.
At the end of the first Monday around 5 pm the doctor came in and made the decision to send me home, wait another week and hope I would go into labor naturally. Of course, it never happened! We all joked about it saying, “This baby doesn’t want to come out and face his older brother”. I really couldn’t blame you. You were all warm and cozy.
Finally with the 2nd induction the following week toward the late afternoon the contractions began. They went along for several hours and when it came to the time of your birth you had been there so long your little head didn’t want to mold.
This meant a cesarean! I was afraid but knew it had to happen. I worried about your father. He was there for Tyler’s birth but could he handle a cesarean? The doctor assured him he could stay at my head with a drape to block his view. This meant I couldn’t see either. Being the nurse I was I would ask questions. My questions would range from “what are you doing now” or “is the incision being made”. I watched your father’s face go white a couple of times. I found myself trying to comfort him and I was the one on the table being cut open. Anyway, that was the way it was.
When your little head appeared, you began to cry. The doctor said to your dad, “look, he’s being born!” Your father peeked over the drape and I will never forget his words as they were funny to me at the time. He said “Oh no, it’s UGLY!” Now you have to understand your dad. He didn’t really mean to call you IT or say you were ugly. He just had never seen anything like this and he didn’t realize, with a caesarean, the baby is blue and covered with a film (sorry to get so detailed). I then jerked the screen down and watched a beautiful baby boy enter this world. It was now January 27, 1987 at 2 AM. You were named Daniel Lowell Parten.
We took you home and you were held by your proud two year old brother, Tyler. I remember Tyler counting your fingers and toes. I remember Tyler wanting to see you and dumping you out of your carrier onto the floor. You were 6 weeks old at that time. I remember Tyler pulling you around by your sleeper to pretend play. I remember holding you on my chest in the rocker and thinking to myself as I took in your sweet baby smell and touched your skin that I wanted to remember that moment for the rest of my days. Now when I close my eyes and I can still recall everything about that moment as if I’m still there.
You continued to grow. You were always getting hurt physically one way or another though. Always busy! Sometimes Tyler would be at fault and sometimes it would be by your own actions.
At an early age you were always drawn to a ball of any kind and you would throw them around. I do recall one time when you were very little we were outside and I was talking to your father. I could hear you saying in the background, “Strike one, strike two, strike three.” When I inquired as to what you were doing I found to my horror that you had a few frogs and a 2x4 board and was playing baseball with the frogs used as the balls. Of course I put a stop to it, but that was you. You always found a way to entertain yourself with sports. You continued to grow into an athlete who played and loved all sports.
You endured a lot from your older brother. You admired Tyler and usually backed down to Tyler’s demands. There came a defining moment though in your teens when you decided enough was enough. Tyler usually drove all three of you to school since he was older. Do you remember Tyler consistently making you and Anna Laura late, but since he was a senior it didn’t matter to him? It did matter though to you and your sister. You guys didn’t want any more marks against you for being tardy because of Tyler. So how did I handle this one? Remember I told you if Tyler wasn’t in the vehicle when it was time to leave then go on without him. Next thing I knew Anna Laura came in screaming and crying. I thought someone had been run over! I ran outside and found the two of you in a fight. Come to find out, Tyler came out to the truck and you were in the driver’s seat since he was running late. Tyler told you to move over and you refused. You guys went back and forth arguing for a bit. Tyler then got angry and slammed his books in your face and turned around to pick up his things that had spilled on the ground. Well, as I said, you decided enough was enough. You got out and with Tyler bent over, you body slammed his head into the side of my sister’s brand new car. Tyler got up and tried to walk away but you were long gone in the head by then. You attacked Tyler full force! By then I’m out there and Tyler yells, “You better get a handle on your son!” You were still trying to get to Tyler through me. As I said, that was a defining moment in your life. We laugh about it today but you two still had to come up with $700 to fix Christi’s car.
Both you and Tyler grew up and became the best of friends. Now you are in another defining moment in your life and I am so proud of the man you have become! I’m sorry you have lost your best friend, but he is still with you in your heart. You are a true man; loyal, caring, strong, wise, and a man of integrity who loves the Lord.
I have truly been blessed to have you in my life.
Happy 23rd birthday son!
I love you.
Mom
Sunday, January 24, 2010
January 24, 2010
Jan 24, 2010
It's so difficult for me to learn to be in the moment. My brain is always moving to the past or to my next movement in this thing called "life". Questions such as "did I make the right decision on a certain event yesterday, last week, ten years ago or better yet, what are my plans for the next day, next week, next month? To just BE is the way it should work, shouldn't it.
I think sometimes it has something to do with your given personality. I am a typical type A. Very driven and constantly on the move. I was always planning and pressing for a goal. I see a change in me as I age though. Not even to mention the events that have taken place in the past few months that have impacted me.
Now I find myself taking very deep breaths throughout the day. I find myself stopping to smell a flower or look to the sky to watch a bird fly. I find myself stopping to feel the wind on my face and the sun on my skin. I daily find myself whispering thanks to the Lord for all my blessings. It's almost like my eyes are so very open for the first time.
My faith in the Lord has always been a struggle for me. I do know now without a doubt the Lord is with me and working in my life. Like Tyler said to me, "Mom, God will take care of you if you let him." Those words still ring in my ears.
What I have at this present moment is all I have and I'm not guaranteed anything. Therefore, I choose to live. I may look nuts at times if you stood back and watched, but I really don't care. God is my guide and when my heart speaks, I move.
I may never have another chance.
Lona
It's so difficult for me to learn to be in the moment. My brain is always moving to the past or to my next movement in this thing called "life". Questions such as "did I make the right decision on a certain event yesterday, last week, ten years ago or better yet, what are my plans for the next day, next week, next month? To just BE is the way it should work, shouldn't it.
I think sometimes it has something to do with your given personality. I am a typical type A. Very driven and constantly on the move. I was always planning and pressing for a goal. I see a change in me as I age though. Not even to mention the events that have taken place in the past few months that have impacted me.
Now I find myself taking very deep breaths throughout the day. I find myself stopping to smell a flower or look to the sky to watch a bird fly. I find myself stopping to feel the wind on my face and the sun on my skin. I daily find myself whispering thanks to the Lord for all my blessings. It's almost like my eyes are so very open for the first time.
My faith in the Lord has always been a struggle for me. I do know now without a doubt the Lord is with me and working in my life. Like Tyler said to me, "Mom, God will take care of you if you let him." Those words still ring in my ears.
What I have at this present moment is all I have and I'm not guaranteed anything. Therefore, I choose to live. I may look nuts at times if you stood back and watched, but I really don't care. God is my guide and when my heart speaks, I move.
I may never have another chance.
Lona
Friday, January 22, 2010
Jan 22, 2010
"American Dream" by Casting Crowns
The below was sent to me by my sister, Christina. She has been my silent rock. Please read the lyrics of this song and if you can, copy and paste the url and you can hear it performed. I personally like just the lyrics.
Take heed. Does this sound like your life? If so, maybe it's time to stop and smell a rose or two.
Lona
http://www.google.com/url?q=http://popup.lala.com/popup/504684655009602624&ei=oJhYS4WQE4z4NbTIud4E&sa=X&oi=music_play_track&resnum=1&ct=result&cd=2&ved=0CAgQ0wQoADAA&usg=AFQjCNGnuGkKEAc3BEXNP5Wx0k_6oa6z4g
“American Dream”
All work no play may have made Jack a dull boy
But all work no God has left Jack with a lost soul
But he's moving on full steam
He's chasing the American dream
And he's gonna give his family finer things
“Not this time son I've no time to waste
Maybe tomorrow we'll have time to play”
And then he slips into his new BMW
And drives farther and farther and farther away
Cause he works all day and tries to sleep at night
He says things will get better;
Better in time
[Chorus]
So he works and he builds with his own two hands
And he pours all he has in a castle made with sand
But the wind and the rain are comin' crashing in
Time will tell just how long his kingdom stands
His kingdom stands
Well his American Dream is beginning to seem
More and more like a nightmare
With every passing day
"Daddy, can you come to my game?"
"Oh Baby, please don't work late."
Another wasted weekend
And they are slipping away
'Cause he works all day and lies awake at night
He tells them things are getting better
Just take a little more time
[Chorus]
So he works and he builds with his own two hands
And he pours all he has in a castle made with sand
But the wind and the rain are comin' crashing in
Time will tell just how long his kingdom stands
His kingdom stands
He used to say, "Whoever dies with the most toys wins"
But if he loses his soul, what has he gained in the end
I'll take a shack on the rock
Over a castle in the sand
Now he works all day and cries alone at night
It's not getting any better
Looks like he's running out of time
[Chorus]
'Cause he worked and he built with his own two hands
And he poured all he had in a castle made with sand
But the wind and the rain are coming crashing in
Time will tell just how long his kingdom stands
His kingdom stands
All they really wanted was you
All they really wanted was you
All they really wanted was you
The below was sent to me by my sister, Christina. She has been my silent rock. Please read the lyrics of this song and if you can, copy and paste the url and you can hear it performed. I personally like just the lyrics.
Take heed. Does this sound like your life? If so, maybe it's time to stop and smell a rose or two.
Lona
http://www.google.com/url?q=http://popup.lala.com/popup/504684655009602624&ei=oJhYS4WQE4z4NbTIud4E&sa=X&oi=music_play_track&resnum=1&ct=result&cd=2&ved=0CAgQ0wQoADAA&usg=AFQjCNGnuGkKEAc3BEXNP5Wx0k_6oa6z4g
“American Dream”
All work no play may have made Jack a dull boy
But all work no God has left Jack with a lost soul
But he's moving on full steam
He's chasing the American dream
And he's gonna give his family finer things
“Not this time son I've no time to waste
Maybe tomorrow we'll have time to play”
And then he slips into his new BMW
And drives farther and farther and farther away
Cause he works all day and tries to sleep at night
He says things will get better;
Better in time
[Chorus]
So he works and he builds with his own two hands
And he pours all he has in a castle made with sand
But the wind and the rain are comin' crashing in
Time will tell just how long his kingdom stands
His kingdom stands
Well his American Dream is beginning to seem
More and more like a nightmare
With every passing day
"Daddy, can you come to my game?"
"Oh Baby, please don't work late."
Another wasted weekend
And they are slipping away
'Cause he works all day and lies awake at night
He tells them things are getting better
Just take a little more time
[Chorus]
So he works and he builds with his own two hands
And he pours all he has in a castle made with sand
But the wind and the rain are comin' crashing in
Time will tell just how long his kingdom stands
His kingdom stands
He used to say, "Whoever dies with the most toys wins"
But if he loses his soul, what has he gained in the end
I'll take a shack on the rock
Over a castle in the sand
Now he works all day and cries alone at night
It's not getting any better
Looks like he's running out of time
[Chorus]
'Cause he worked and he built with his own two hands
And he poured all he had in a castle made with sand
But the wind and the rain are coming crashing in
Time will tell just how long his kingdom stands
His kingdom stands
All they really wanted was you
All they really wanted was you
All they really wanted was you
Thursday, January 21, 2010
January 21, 2010
January 21, 2010
Last night I settled in bed fairly early for what I hoped was a good night’s sleep. I was almost there when my cell phone text tone went off. The message was from my daughter Anna Laura suggesting I place my blog notes on http://lonasvoice.blogsopt.com in chronological order. I thought to myself, “They are, since that’s the way I write them”. Knowing though I am always learning when it comes to the internet and computer I typed back, “will do and love you, good night”. I settled back down and low and behold the phone went off again, “I love you too and sweet dreams”. I smiled to myself, put the phone down, turned off the light and was almost asleep when there it went again. Another text came through. I thought about not looking since I was almost asleep, but these fancy little gadgets don’t let you get away from that. If you don’t look at the message it reminds you again in two minutes. Almost like the snooze button on an alarm clock. I snoozed and it went off again! I turned on the light and picked up my phone thinking it was Anna Laura. It wasn’t! My heart sank when I read the message.
The message was from a mother of one of the soldiers severely injured in the battle that took Tyler’s life. She was informing that yesterday it was released that a 19 year old from Tyler’s US station, Fort Carson, Colorado was killed in action. My heart sank! I instantly began to relive those moment when I first learn of Tyler’s death. Don’t get me wrong. I was thankful to know the news. I will forever be connected to “gold star families”. That’s what we are you know. If you lose a loved one in battle you go being a “blue star” family member to a “gold star”. I knew nothing of the star till it happened to my family.
19 years old! Anna Laura is 19! How tragic. His life had just begun. My guess is he was newly enlisted as well. I prayed and cried tears for my family as well as his. I then much later in the evening fell asleep.
This morning I did some research and I was right! I found the following:
The Department of Defense announced Wednesday the death of a Fort Carson soldier who was supporting Operation Enduring Freedom. 19-year-old Private First Class Robert Donevski of Sun City, Arizona, died January 16th in Abad, Afghanistan, of wounds suffered when insurgents attacked his unit using small arms fire. He was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 12th Infantry Regiment, 4th Brigade Combat Team, 4th Infantry Division.
The news release makes it sound so impersonal. I know the pain that his loved ones are going through and will continue to go through for months to come.
Please say a prayer for his family today.
Lona
Last night I settled in bed fairly early for what I hoped was a good night’s sleep. I was almost there when my cell phone text tone went off. The message was from my daughter Anna Laura suggesting I place my blog notes on http://lonasvoice.blogsopt.com in chronological order. I thought to myself, “They are, since that’s the way I write them”. Knowing though I am always learning when it comes to the internet and computer I typed back, “will do and love you, good night”. I settled back down and low and behold the phone went off again, “I love you too and sweet dreams”. I smiled to myself, put the phone down, turned off the light and was almost asleep when there it went again. Another text came through. I thought about not looking since I was almost asleep, but these fancy little gadgets don’t let you get away from that. If you don’t look at the message it reminds you again in two minutes. Almost like the snooze button on an alarm clock. I snoozed and it went off again! I turned on the light and picked up my phone thinking it was Anna Laura. It wasn’t! My heart sank when I read the message.
The message was from a mother of one of the soldiers severely injured in the battle that took Tyler’s life. She was informing that yesterday it was released that a 19 year old from Tyler’s US station, Fort Carson, Colorado was killed in action. My heart sank! I instantly began to relive those moment when I first learn of Tyler’s death. Don’t get me wrong. I was thankful to know the news. I will forever be connected to “gold star families”. That’s what we are you know. If you lose a loved one in battle you go being a “blue star” family member to a “gold star”. I knew nothing of the star till it happened to my family.
19 years old! Anna Laura is 19! How tragic. His life had just begun. My guess is he was newly enlisted as well. I prayed and cried tears for my family as well as his. I then much later in the evening fell asleep.
This morning I did some research and I was right! I found the following:
The Department of Defense announced Wednesday the death of a Fort Carson soldier who was supporting Operation Enduring Freedom. 19-year-old Private First Class Robert Donevski of Sun City, Arizona, died January 16th in Abad, Afghanistan, of wounds suffered when insurgents attacked his unit using small arms fire. He was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 12th Infantry Regiment, 4th Brigade Combat Team, 4th Infantry Division.
The news release makes it sound so impersonal. I know the pain that his loved ones are going through and will continue to go through for months to come.
Please say a prayer for his family today.
Lona
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Monday, January 18, 2010
Jan 18, 2010
Jan 18, 2010
Being a mother is hard! A real, true mother can love unconditionally. No matter what that child does, a mother will still love. The test comes when a mother can love that child and still prepare them to go out into the world and watch that child grow. So many times a mother wants to step in and take life’s blows for that child.
I can’t tell you how many times I wanted to step in and take the pain of life’s problems for my children. My own life’s issue was that I poured my life into my children as they were growing up. I never took my own identity back. Do I regret that? No! Now looking back, I would do it all over again. Am I struggling to learn who I am after all those years? Yes!
To pour your heart into a soul and watch that soul grow into more than my life ever was is so satisfying. I’m not saying my children are perfect, because the Lord knows they aren’t. No one is perfect! My goal was, if I were to die, that they would be close enough to take care of each other and be able to take care of themselves.
Now, a major curve ball has been thrown my way. I never thought one of my own would go before me!
That’s life though!
For all you mother’s that are doing what society thinks is a “thankless job”, continue on. If you lose who you are in the meantime, it’s worth every moment!
Lona
Being a mother is hard! A real, true mother can love unconditionally. No matter what that child does, a mother will still love. The test comes when a mother can love that child and still prepare them to go out into the world and watch that child grow. So many times a mother wants to step in and take life’s blows for that child.
I can’t tell you how many times I wanted to step in and take the pain of life’s problems for my children. My own life’s issue was that I poured my life into my children as they were growing up. I never took my own identity back. Do I regret that? No! Now looking back, I would do it all over again. Am I struggling to learn who I am after all those years? Yes!
To pour your heart into a soul and watch that soul grow into more than my life ever was is so satisfying. I’m not saying my children are perfect, because the Lord knows they aren’t. No one is perfect! My goal was, if I were to die, that they would be close enough to take care of each other and be able to take care of themselves.
Now, a major curve ball has been thrown my way. I never thought one of my own would go before me!
That’s life though!
For all you mother’s that are doing what society thinks is a “thankless job”, continue on. If you lose who you are in the meantime, it’s worth every moment!
Lona
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Jan 16, 2010
Jan 16, 2010
This is worthy to add to my note collection! Thanks Megan!
Lona, dearest ...
You *need* to read (or reread) the words to "Mansions of the Lord". It was performed by the USMA Glee Club, originally as the ending song to "We Were Soldiers (Once and Young) and sung often when our sons were in Glub. It's even on the recording they made while they were in Glee Club.
I remember when the boys were Plebes - they had a performance up in Upstate New York. It turned out that the concert was dedicated to Leif Nott, a USMA 2000 grad, and former Glee Club member. Leif's widow, Melanie, came up from Texas for the concert and was then going to visit West Point to fill in some of the holes - she and Leif had met and married after he had graduated. No one expected anyone in Glee Club to know Leif - after all, he had graduated long before they entered. Turns out that Leif was a wonderful, close family friend - a remarkable young man that we were privileged to know for all too short a period of time (we even hosted his graduation party). Christopher was able to meet Melanie and give her more personal insights than anyone else - except some of the professors at West Point.
"The Mansions of the Lord"
Words by Randall Wallace
To fallen soldiers let us sing
where no rockets fly nor bullets wing
Our broken brothers let us bring
to the mansions of the Lord
No more bleeding no more fight
No prayers pleading through the night
just divine embrace, eternal light
in the mansions of the Lord
Where no mothers cry and no children weep
We will stand and guard tho the angels sleep
All through the ages safely keep the mansions of the Lord
Let me know if you don't have the CD / DVD .. it's a real keeper.
Much love,
Megan
This is worthy to add to my note collection! Thanks Megan!
Lona, dearest ...
You *need* to read (or reread) the words to "Mansions of the Lord". It was performed by the USMA Glee Club, originally as the ending song to "We Were Soldiers (Once and Young) and sung often when our sons were in Glub. It's even on the recording they made while they were in Glee Club.
I remember when the boys were Plebes - they had a performance up in Upstate New York. It turned out that the concert was dedicated to Leif Nott, a USMA 2000 grad, and former Glee Club member. Leif's widow, Melanie, came up from Texas for the concert and was then going to visit West Point to fill in some of the holes - she and Leif had met and married after he had graduated. No one expected anyone in Glee Club to know Leif - after all, he had graduated long before they entered. Turns out that Leif was a wonderful, close family friend - a remarkable young man that we were privileged to know for all too short a period of time (we even hosted his graduation party). Christopher was able to meet Melanie and give her more personal insights than anyone else - except some of the professors at West Point.
"The Mansions of the Lord"
Words by Randall Wallace
To fallen soldiers let us sing
where no rockets fly nor bullets wing
Our broken brothers let us bring
to the mansions of the Lord
No more bleeding no more fight
No prayers pleading through the night
just divine embrace, eternal light
in the mansions of the Lord
Where no mothers cry and no children weep
We will stand and guard tho the angels sleep
All through the ages safely keep the mansions of the Lord
Let me know if you don't have the CD / DVD .. it's a real keeper.
Much love,
Megan
Friday, January 15, 2010
January 15, 2010
Jan 15, 2010
I wake to a beautiful sunrise over the ocean. I always take the time to smell the salt air and whisper small prayers of thanks to my God. Coffee is on and so is my computer.
The last thing I did before bed was to view Trace Akins performance on the CMA show “Til The Last Shots Fired”. He was accompanied by the West Point Glee Club. Tyler was in the Glee Club while at West Point. The performance tore my heart out!
This morning I tried to view it again without tears. I CAN”T! The words in the song cut me like a knife. I think of the men and women who lie dying on our behalf. I think of Tyler running under fire to help his men. I think of Tyler’s men having to carry his body off the mountain. I think of those cadets standing singing with Trace and their soon to be sacrifice. I think of Daniel and Tara. I am having trouble breathing as I type.
It’s true! They can’t come home till the last shots fired. We are so comfortable while our soldiers are fighting, running, afraid, exhausted, bleeding, and dying. We should be ashamed if we have taken our liberties for granted. We chase the dollar while they take bullets to their bodies. We complain about our meals while they come home, if they are lucky to come home, with no legs.
Tyler, I pray you didn’t die in vain! Your spirit was set free but just the thought of your last moments bring me to my knees.
Peace is the answer. Our soldiers don’t want war. It was brought to us.
Lona
I wake to a beautiful sunrise over the ocean. I always take the time to smell the salt air and whisper small prayers of thanks to my God. Coffee is on and so is my computer.
The last thing I did before bed was to view Trace Akins performance on the CMA show “Til The Last Shots Fired”. He was accompanied by the West Point Glee Club. Tyler was in the Glee Club while at West Point. The performance tore my heart out!
This morning I tried to view it again without tears. I CAN”T! The words in the song cut me like a knife. I think of the men and women who lie dying on our behalf. I think of Tyler running under fire to help his men. I think of Tyler’s men having to carry his body off the mountain. I think of those cadets standing singing with Trace and their soon to be sacrifice. I think of Daniel and Tara. I am having trouble breathing as I type.
It’s true! They can’t come home till the last shots fired. We are so comfortable while our soldiers are fighting, running, afraid, exhausted, bleeding, and dying. We should be ashamed if we have taken our liberties for granted. We chase the dollar while they take bullets to their bodies. We complain about our meals while they come home, if they are lucky to come home, with no legs.
Tyler, I pray you didn’t die in vain! Your spirit was set free but just the thought of your last moments bring me to my knees.
Peace is the answer. Our soldiers don’t want war. It was brought to us.
Lona
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Jan 13, 2010
A mother’s grief is something that honestly can’t be put into words. It’s like trying to explain a mother’s love. Have you ever attempted to describe it to a point where the reader totally gets it? It’s the same with grief. There are moments of breathlessness and moments of shaking. Moments of feeling there’s a huge weight placed on your chest to moments of lightness. There’s joy in reflection of memories and sweet moments of silent tears. There are horrible moments of complete primal abandonment and moments of craziness. There are moments of walking tall and proud to moments your legs can no longer hold you up.
Today I went through Tyler’s computer and burned off all of his music. I found myself laughing at his humor, to crying while hearing his voice. I can see him rocking to the piano melodies as he would play them. I can visualize the look of relaxation on his face as his fingers strummed the guitar. I can see the three of my children; Tyler at the guitar, him changing the rhythm of the melody he was playing, while all three would mimic certain artists. They were always clowning around together with music in the background. Sometimes I would get irritated because, maybe dinner was ready and no one would pay attention. I so regret those moments of irritation. If I could have those moments back, I would just sit and smile.
A mother’s love never ends.
Lona
A mother’s grief is something that honestly can’t be put into words. It’s like trying to explain a mother’s love. Have you ever attempted to describe it to a point where the reader totally gets it? It’s the same with grief. There are moments of breathlessness and moments of shaking. Moments of feeling there’s a huge weight placed on your chest to moments of lightness. There’s joy in reflection of memories and sweet moments of silent tears. There are horrible moments of complete primal abandonment and moments of craziness. There are moments of walking tall and proud to moments your legs can no longer hold you up.
Today I went through Tyler’s computer and burned off all of his music. I found myself laughing at his humor, to crying while hearing his voice. I can see him rocking to the piano melodies as he would play them. I can visualize the look of relaxation on his face as his fingers strummed the guitar. I can see the three of my children; Tyler at the guitar, him changing the rhythm of the melody he was playing, while all three would mimic certain artists. They were always clowning around together with music in the background. Sometimes I would get irritated because, maybe dinner was ready and no one would pay attention. I so regret those moments of irritation. If I could have those moments back, I would just sit and smile.
A mother’s love never ends.
Lona
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Jan 12, 2010 From Sister to Brother
January 12, 2010
In the hectic blur of days that have past, it’s been hard distinguishing today from yesterday. I haven't been able to keep track of dates lately… until today.
This morning, I awoke to a dreary, snowy Tuesday morning. All at once, it struck me that this is Tyler's birthday. Today he would have seen a quarter of a century. It also hit me that for the first time in my life, I wouldn’t be able to call him and sing and wish him a happy birthday.
It hurt-- but only for a moment. I realized that I don't need a phone to talk to him. He knows he's always on my mind. So I wished him happy birthday, and then said a prayer for my family, and those families that have had to deal with a loss such as this, and for those families that will endure this in the future. I gave thanks to God for giving me a role model such as Tyler, and thanks to Him for a family with hearts on fire to help the world.
Tyler, you've given me the strength I need, and as always, your light has shown brighter on the darkest of days. Thank you for being a light to me, big brother. You will be forever young. As I've written you many times,
Love YOU always,
Anna Laura
In the hectic blur of days that have past, it’s been hard distinguishing today from yesterday. I haven't been able to keep track of dates lately… until today.
This morning, I awoke to a dreary, snowy Tuesday morning. All at once, it struck me that this is Tyler's birthday. Today he would have seen a quarter of a century. It also hit me that for the first time in my life, I wouldn’t be able to call him and sing and wish him a happy birthday.
It hurt-- but only for a moment. I realized that I don't need a phone to talk to him. He knows he's always on my mind. So I wished him happy birthday, and then said a prayer for my family, and those families that have had to deal with a loss such as this, and for those families that will endure this in the future. I gave thanks to God for giving me a role model such as Tyler, and thanks to Him for a family with hearts on fire to help the world.
Tyler, you've given me the strength I need, and as always, your light has shown brighter on the darkest of days. Thank you for being a light to me, big brother. You will be forever young. As I've written you many times,
Love YOU always,
Anna Laura
January 2, 2010
Jan 2, 2009
What a morning! I slept well, not surprised because I took 2 sleeping pills. I have actually not have had to take any since I can hear the ocean waves and the rhythm lulls me to sleep. For some reason though, I felt I didn’t even want to dream….so I took not one but two. Knocked me out!. I woke at about 8 am. My thoughts were with my daughter.. I knew she was to meet with a man who has a talent for recording music. They say he is the best in Jtown. What do I know! Anna Laura called him and he was rude! I confirmed the appointment with him yesterday and yes….he is rude! Anyway…she was willing to go forward just to get her voice recorded singing a song of which we only have the lyrics to a song written by Tyler with no music, to a piano piece Tyler composed called “His Masterpiece”. She felt it was that important…keep in mind, she is only 19 years old. I called her with words of encouragement and we laughed and made light of the situation. We know Tyler is playing around with us.! I then called my sister and just rambled. She figured out what I needed. She offered to go with Anna Laura. I said …Wow…Please! I then called my mother. I rambled on again. My sister called back and said Dave, Anna Laura’s father is driving up to go with her. Whew!!!!! thank goodness!
I was a nervous wreck the rest of the morning. Went to the gym and had a hard workout. Let’s not go there right now. Anytime the kids came home we worked out together. I taught them and they taught me new combinations and new moves. Tyler was big into Crossfit! He train his platoon using it. Crossfit named a “Heroes” workout in his honor after his death. His last visit home, he put me through a real crossfit workout. I knew I wasn’t getting the benefits that it should offer because you should be totally spent after a 20 minute workout. Tyler picked one and put me through it the way it should be and I thought I would throw at the end. At one time he had me just count for him and time him. SUCH HEART! I watched my son give everything he had into a 20 minute workout and he was on the floor at the end. One thing he was trying to teach me was a kipping pull-up. Most women can do a pull-ups. He was trying to show how to swing my body weight into the weak portion of the standard pull-up. I had blisters under my gloves but couldn’t get. Now I have realized I can use the gravitron. and my swing and I am determined I will be doing FULL body pull up within the next month in his honor. I’m down to 25 lbs on the gravitron. Keep in mind. I am 5’9” and 150 lbs., muscle of course (had to add that).
Anyway, I was shaking by the time I got to the gym. I put on my music that means a lot to me and was planning on just jogging on the treadmill until the endorphins kicked in and it could take the place of Zanax, of which I’ve had to use since Tyler’s death, Low and behold…..all the New Year’s resolution people were there. No available treadmill. Still shaking,,,,what do I do to get me through the morning. Okay!!!! I donned my weight-lifting gloves and put myself into a “Tyler” crossfit workout. I think people there thought I was insane. Here is a woman, not worried about anyone in the gym. Totally focused on my workout. IPod loud and loaded in my top. I went from sit-ups, to pushups to the graviton pull-ups and squats. No rest in between. At the end of the 20 minutes I was spent. I looked up then and all the treadmills were empty. LOL,,,,,Ha ha , Tyler!
When I walked out Anna Laura called. It’s done she said. The man is a loon but she worked through it. I was so relieved.
We will get through this! Tyler is pushing us everyday. I am glad her father drove to Jtown to be with her.
Tyler, you will never be forgotten!! Mom
What a morning! I slept well, not surprised because I took 2 sleeping pills. I have actually not have had to take any since I can hear the ocean waves and the rhythm lulls me to sleep. For some reason though, I felt I didn’t even want to dream….so I took not one but two. Knocked me out!. I woke at about 8 am. My thoughts were with my daughter.. I knew she was to meet with a man who has a talent for recording music. They say he is the best in Jtown. What do I know! Anna Laura called him and he was rude! I confirmed the appointment with him yesterday and yes….he is rude! Anyway…she was willing to go forward just to get her voice recorded singing a song of which we only have the lyrics to a song written by Tyler with no music, to a piano piece Tyler composed called “His Masterpiece”. She felt it was that important…keep in mind, she is only 19 years old. I called her with words of encouragement and we laughed and made light of the situation. We know Tyler is playing around with us.! I then called my sister and just rambled. She figured out what I needed. She offered to go with Anna Laura. I said …Wow…Please! I then called my mother. I rambled on again. My sister called back and said Dave, Anna Laura’s father is driving up to go with her. Whew!!!!! thank goodness!
I was a nervous wreck the rest of the morning. Went to the gym and had a hard workout. Let’s not go there right now. Anytime the kids came home we worked out together. I taught them and they taught me new combinations and new moves. Tyler was big into Crossfit! He train his platoon using it. Crossfit named a “Heroes” workout in his honor after his death. His last visit home, he put me through a real crossfit workout. I knew I wasn’t getting the benefits that it should offer because you should be totally spent after a 20 minute workout. Tyler picked one and put me through it the way it should be and I thought I would throw at the end. At one time he had me just count for him and time him. SUCH HEART! I watched my son give everything he had into a 20 minute workout and he was on the floor at the end. One thing he was trying to teach me was a kipping pull-up. Most women can do a pull-ups. He was trying to show how to swing my body weight into the weak portion of the standard pull-up. I had blisters under my gloves but couldn’t get. Now I have realized I can use the gravitron. and my swing and I am determined I will be doing FULL body pull up within the next month in his honor. I’m down to 25 lbs on the gravitron. Keep in mind. I am 5’9” and 150 lbs., muscle of course (had to add that).
Anyway, I was shaking by the time I got to the gym. I put on my music that means a lot to me and was planning on just jogging on the treadmill until the endorphins kicked in and it could take the place of Zanax, of which I’ve had to use since Tyler’s death, Low and behold…..all the New Year’s resolution people were there. No available treadmill. Still shaking,,,,what do I do to get me through the morning. Okay!!!! I donned my weight-lifting gloves and put myself into a “Tyler” crossfit workout. I think people there thought I was insane. Here is a woman, not worried about anyone in the gym. Totally focused on my workout. IPod loud and loaded in my top. I went from sit-ups, to pushups to the graviton pull-ups and squats. No rest in between. At the end of the 20 minutes I was spent. I looked up then and all the treadmills were empty. LOL,,,,,Ha ha , Tyler!
When I walked out Anna Laura called. It’s done she said. The man is a loon but she worked through it. I was so relieved.
We will get through this! Tyler is pushing us everyday. I am glad her father drove to Jtown to be with her.
Tyler, you will never be forgotten!! Mom
January 9, 2010
Jan 9, 2010
Have you ever had a song reach out and speak to you? Below are the lyrics of one of my favorite songs due to the words. It speaks of my awakening spiritually after the death of my son! I have found life after his death! Please read the words….especially the last line!.....God bless! Lona
Amazing
By Aerosmith
I kept the right ones out
And let the wrong ones in
Had an angel of mercy to see me through all my sins
There were times in my life
When I was goin' insane
Tryin' to walk through
The pain
When I lost my grip
And I hit the floor
Yeah,I thought I could leave but couldn't get out the door
I was so sick and tired
Of livin' a lie
I was wishin that I
Would die
[Chorus:]
It's Amazing
With the blink of an eye you finally see the light
It's Amazing
When the moment arrives that you know you'll be alright
It's Amazing
And I'm sayin' a prayer for the desperate hearts tonight
That one last shot's a Permanent Vacation
And how high can you fly with broken wings?
Life's a journey not a destination
And I just can't tell just what tomorrow brings
You have to learn to crawl
Before you learn to walk
But I just couldn't listen to all that righteous talk, oh yeah
I was out on the street,
Just tryin' to survive
Scratchin' to stay
Alive
It’s Amazing
With the blink of an eye, you finally see the light
It’s amazing
When the moment arrives that you know you’ll be alright
Oh, it’s amazing
And I’m sayin’ a prayer for the desperate hearts tonight.
(so, from all of us at Aerosmith, to all you out there, wherever you are…. Remember, the light at the end of the tunnel, may be YOU! Good night.]
Have you ever had a song reach out and speak to you? Below are the lyrics of one of my favorite songs due to the words. It speaks of my awakening spiritually after the death of my son! I have found life after his death! Please read the words….especially the last line!.....God bless! Lona
Amazing
By Aerosmith
I kept the right ones out
And let the wrong ones in
Had an angel of mercy to see me through all my sins
There were times in my life
When I was goin' insane
Tryin' to walk through
The pain
When I lost my grip
And I hit the floor
Yeah,I thought I could leave but couldn't get out the door
I was so sick and tired
Of livin' a lie
I was wishin that I
Would die
[Chorus:]
It's Amazing
With the blink of an eye you finally see the light
It's Amazing
When the moment arrives that you know you'll be alright
It's Amazing
And I'm sayin' a prayer for the desperate hearts tonight
That one last shot's a Permanent Vacation
And how high can you fly with broken wings?
Life's a journey not a destination
And I just can't tell just what tomorrow brings
You have to learn to crawl
Before you learn to walk
But I just couldn't listen to all that righteous talk, oh yeah
I was out on the street,
Just tryin' to survive
Scratchin' to stay
Alive
It’s Amazing
With the blink of an eye, you finally see the light
It’s amazing
When the moment arrives that you know you’ll be alright
Oh, it’s amazing
And I’m sayin’ a prayer for the desperate hearts tonight.
(so, from all of us at Aerosmith, to all you out there, wherever you are…. Remember, the light at the end of the tunnel, may be YOU! Good night.]
January 10, 2010
Jan 10.2010
Today marks the 4th month since the death of 1st Lt Tyler Parten. I am his mother and I’m trying to piece together the details of my remaining children’s lives as well as carry forward
my own life. I now have read the first twenty entries of Tyler’s journal from “over there”.
Do all US soldiers go through this? Fear, pain, shock, and pure exhaustion, but still carry forward the assigned missions. If they do, I am ashamed and never realized nor knew the selfless sacrifice they have led.
I remember an event that took place 2 years after Tyler went to West Point. My children’s father and I were having dinner at a small restaurant (we were not there for the food, just something to do in a small town of 5000). Sitting at a table next to us was an older lady that I knew and her friends. In a small town you know everyone and I knew of her family’s history. The family was very wealthy and some would call it “old money”. Their discussion was about a certain granddaughters’ choice of a man. We couldn’t help but overhear their conversation, as they were drinking and were talking loud. The one thing I do remember was when the older woman “of means” stated, “Well, you know he has nothing going for him since he joined the Army!” I was stunned. It was all I could do not to speak out but I didn’t. That was in 2005. Tyler was finishing his second year at West Point and had chosen to take his oath and not walk away.
Today, I have lost a son who had everything going for him and still chose the Army. Today, I have a second son who has everything going for him and still after all of this have taken his oath and will soon be a 1st Lt in the Army. Today, I pity the ignorance of that wealthy woman. Today, I would speak up and tell her that her voice was loud and I couldn’t help but overhear her statement of ignorance. Today, I would speak for all the men and women that have died for her right to sit at that table and have her discussion. Today, I have no tolerance. Lona
“Greater love hath no man than to lay down his life for a friend!”
Today marks the 4th month since the death of 1st Lt Tyler Parten. I am his mother and I’m trying to piece together the details of my remaining children’s lives as well as carry forward
my own life. I now have read the first twenty entries of Tyler’s journal from “over there”.
Do all US soldiers go through this? Fear, pain, shock, and pure exhaustion, but still carry forward the assigned missions. If they do, I am ashamed and never realized nor knew the selfless sacrifice they have led.
I remember an event that took place 2 years after Tyler went to West Point. My children’s father and I were having dinner at a small restaurant (we were not there for the food, just something to do in a small town of 5000). Sitting at a table next to us was an older lady that I knew and her friends. In a small town you know everyone and I knew of her family’s history. The family was very wealthy and some would call it “old money”. Their discussion was about a certain granddaughters’ choice of a man. We couldn’t help but overhear their conversation, as they were drinking and were talking loud. The one thing I do remember was when the older woman “of means” stated, “Well, you know he has nothing going for him since he joined the Army!” I was stunned. It was all I could do not to speak out but I didn’t. That was in 2005. Tyler was finishing his second year at West Point and had chosen to take his oath and not walk away.
Today, I have lost a son who had everything going for him and still chose the Army. Today, I have a second son who has everything going for him and still after all of this have taken his oath and will soon be a 1st Lt in the Army. Today, I pity the ignorance of that wealthy woman. Today, I would speak up and tell her that her voice was loud and I couldn’t help but overhear her statement of ignorance. Today, I would speak for all the men and women that have died for her right to sit at that table and have her discussion. Today, I have no tolerance. Lona
“Greater love hath no man than to lay down his life for a friend!”
Jan 12, 2010 Happy Birthday Tyler
Jan 12, 2010
It’s currently 1 AM on the morning of January 12. I had retired to bed early prepared for a good night’s sleep. I was sleeping soundly until I abruptly was awakened. I looked at the clock and thought “what”? It’s usually around 4 or 5 AM that I start to stir. I laid there and tried to figure it out. What was going on? I’ve learned to listen to certain stirrings and restless feelings. Usually I find something is speaking to me. I decided not to fight it so I got up. I walked to the kitchen to get a glass of milk and then it slammed me.
Today is Tyler’s birthday and he was born after midnight on January 12, 1985. Wow! I go to his photo sitting by the sofa. Next to his single photo is one of my three children and myself. It’s the one taken in May 2009. The photo of Tyler is one of my favorites. He is leaning over a rock in his hiking gear with a West Point bottle that he always carried when working out and displaying a beautiful relaxed smile. It was taken in 2007 while he and Daniel were climbing Mount Kilimanjaro. I light the candle every time I walk into my home. This time I lit the candle and whispered, “Happy Birthday Son”. I start to cry and pick up my laptop.
I really miss you son! I don’t know how to recover from this. Since you have died though I have learned new patience and I certainly know there is a God. I pray I will see you once again someday.
I do take comfort in knowing you were a true man and were following your heart. That’s all I ever wanted for you, Daniel and Anna Laura.
On the 1oth I wrote of your journal and how you described in great detail your feelings of fear, pain, and exhaustion. Below is a response from an officer of which I will not name due to possible ramifications. His response is as follows:
Lona,
Thank you for sharing that with me. My words can't describe what an
inspiration you and your family have been for me. The examples of strength
and faith that you guys have demonstrated throughout this whole process have
encouraged me to re-evaluate the way I lead my own family so that we may one
day be as admirable as you guys are.
In response to the question you raised in the second paragraph, "do all US
Soldiers go through this", my personal answer would be no. They may all feel
the fear, pain, shock, and pure exhaustion (as you mentioned), but not all of
them still carry forward the assigned missions. That part you mentioned about
still carrying forward with the mission is what "separates the men from the
boys". From everything I have learned of him, Tyler was definitely an
extraordinary leader who always carried forward with the mission, despite the
odds against him and whatever other negative variables there may have been.
Throughout my two tours in Iraq, I observed Soldiers who weren't able to get
past the fear, pain, shock, or whatever the case was. It appeared at the time
that it simply just wasn't in them to "press on". I'm not a psychologist
who claims to know what separates those who can press on from those who
can't, but I like to think that a lot of it depends on the way we are raised
by our parents, and the self-confidence they instill in us along the way. I
guess what I'm trying to tell you is, I've never observed a family that
prepared their children for the world as well as you and Dave has. I pray
for guidance on ways to integrate the same values that you guys demonstrate
into my own life so I can do the same with my children. Getting back to the
question you raise though, you are correct. Soldiers do pour an unimaginable
amount of selfless sacrifice into their jobs. I apologize if my response of
"no" might have sounded negative towards the Army in any way. That definitely
wasn't my intent. Those types of Soldiers I mentioned having observed are few
and far between.
I like that verse from John 15 that you quoted at the bottom of your letter.
Another verse that I draw inspiration from is Psalm 82:3-4.
Defend the cause of the weak and fatherless;
maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed.
Rescue the weak and needy;
deliver them from the hand of the wicked.
Author, (not disclosed)
Tyler, though you died early, you died a real man full of wisdom and with a love of God in your heart. Even though I am mourning your death, I take pride in your life. I take comfort in that.
Happy birthday son!
It’s currently 1 AM on the morning of January 12. I had retired to bed early prepared for a good night’s sleep. I was sleeping soundly until I abruptly was awakened. I looked at the clock and thought “what”? It’s usually around 4 or 5 AM that I start to stir. I laid there and tried to figure it out. What was going on? I’ve learned to listen to certain stirrings and restless feelings. Usually I find something is speaking to me. I decided not to fight it so I got up. I walked to the kitchen to get a glass of milk and then it slammed me.
Today is Tyler’s birthday and he was born after midnight on January 12, 1985. Wow! I go to his photo sitting by the sofa. Next to his single photo is one of my three children and myself. It’s the one taken in May 2009. The photo of Tyler is one of my favorites. He is leaning over a rock in his hiking gear with a West Point bottle that he always carried when working out and displaying a beautiful relaxed smile. It was taken in 2007 while he and Daniel were climbing Mount Kilimanjaro. I light the candle every time I walk into my home. This time I lit the candle and whispered, “Happy Birthday Son”. I start to cry and pick up my laptop.
I really miss you son! I don’t know how to recover from this. Since you have died though I have learned new patience and I certainly know there is a God. I pray I will see you once again someday.
I do take comfort in knowing you were a true man and were following your heart. That’s all I ever wanted for you, Daniel and Anna Laura.
On the 1oth I wrote of your journal and how you described in great detail your feelings of fear, pain, and exhaustion. Below is a response from an officer of which I will not name due to possible ramifications. His response is as follows:
Lona,
Thank you for sharing that with me. My words can't describe what an
inspiration you and your family have been for me. The examples of strength
and faith that you guys have demonstrated throughout this whole process have
encouraged me to re-evaluate the way I lead my own family so that we may one
day be as admirable as you guys are.
In response to the question you raised in the second paragraph, "do all US
Soldiers go through this", my personal answer would be no. They may all feel
the fear, pain, shock, and pure exhaustion (as you mentioned), but not all of
them still carry forward the assigned missions. That part you mentioned about
still carrying forward with the mission is what "separates the men from the
boys". From everything I have learned of him, Tyler was definitely an
extraordinary leader who always carried forward with the mission, despite the
odds against him and whatever other negative variables there may have been.
Throughout my two tours in Iraq, I observed Soldiers who weren't able to get
past the fear, pain, shock, or whatever the case was. It appeared at the time
that it simply just wasn't in them to "press on". I'm not a psychologist
who claims to know what separates those who can press on from those who
can't, but I like to think that a lot of it depends on the way we are raised
by our parents, and the self-confidence they instill in us along the way. I
guess what I'm trying to tell you is, I've never observed a family that
prepared their children for the world as well as you and Dave has. I pray
for guidance on ways to integrate the same values that you guys demonstrate
into my own life so I can do the same with my children. Getting back to the
question you raise though, you are correct. Soldiers do pour an unimaginable
amount of selfless sacrifice into their jobs. I apologize if my response of
"no" might have sounded negative towards the Army in any way. That definitely
wasn't my intent. Those types of Soldiers I mentioned having observed are few
and far between.
I like that verse from John 15 that you quoted at the bottom of your letter.
Another verse that I draw inspiration from is Psalm 82:3-4.
Defend the cause of the weak and fatherless;
maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed.
Rescue the weak and needy;
deliver them from the hand of the wicked.
Author, (not disclosed)
Tyler, though you died early, you died a real man full of wisdom and with a love of God in your heart. Even though I am mourning your death, I take pride in your life. I take comfort in that.
Happy birthday son!
Oh yes, by the way, you were always the kid that stuck his finger into every birthday cake first, no matter where we were and no matter how old you had become. I laugh at that now. It was your nature to be the first and you so loved sweets.
I am now going to try and sleep some more. I love you son! It’s your day! Make the most of it.
Love,
Mom
I am now going to try and sleep some more. I love you son! It’s your day! Make the most of it.
Love,
Mom
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