Lona's Voice

Jan 13, 2010

A mother’s grief is something that honestly can’t be put into words. It’s like trying to explain a mother’s love. Have you ever attempted to describe it to a point where the reader totally gets it? It’s the same with grief. There are moments of breathlessness and moments of shaking. Moments of feeling there’s a huge weight placed on your chest to moments of lightness. There’s joy in reflection of memories and sweet moments of silent tears. There are horrible moments of complete primal abandonment and moments of craziness. There are moments of walking tall and proud to moments your legs can no longer hold you up.

Today I went through Tyler’s computer and burned off all of his music. I found myself laughing at his humor, to crying while hearing his voice. I can see him rocking to the piano melodies as he would play them. I can visualize the look of relaxation on his face as his fingers strummed the guitar. I can see the three of my children; Tyler at the guitar, him changing the rhythm of the melody he was playing, while all three would mimic certain artists. They were always clowning around together with music in the background. Sometimes I would get irritated because, maybe dinner was ready and no one would pay attention. I so regret those moments of irritation. If I could have those moments back, I would just sit and smile.

A mother’s love never ends.

Lona